I see myself personally as a lively, vibrant and social girl. I enjoy communicate with new-people as well as have no problem generating brand-new company. I’m nearly peaceful, and I’m not at all the ‘submiive girl’ a large number of everyone discover South Korean girls as.
There’s no problem with which i’m. But somehow, my personal characteristics became problems while I begun internet dating males in South Korea on age 20.
Many men approached me personally, expreing a desire for my personal outgoing characteristics. “I like the positive personality,” they told me.
But at some point, they started to grumble about points that stimulate my life, what I think are essential, like getting anyone and having enjoyable at fascinating personal gatherings. Below are a few situations I read from my personal ex’s:
“exactly why do you may have plenty male buddies?”
“Do you truly have to go to those social events? Dozens Of functions?”
“Are all those affairs essential to you personally?” (browse: “More than myself?”)
I found myself confused. I imagined, was my outbound identity — which was attractive to them initially — a barrier to building a steady partnership?
We soon revealed that I became not by yourself. A lot of my girlfriends have comparable stress whenever matchmaking southern area Korean men. The biggest supply of ailment ended up being the paradox of men implementing various standards on the feminine family and “my girl.”
Some men we realized adored getting together with babes whom they known as cool and amusing — as an example, girls just who could drink two bottles of soju straight. Nevertheless the exact same men would see enraged whenever unique girlfriends made an effort to drink more than it’s possible to of alcohol. They wished to date a lady who was smart and independent sufficient to manage her own lifestyle, but also dependent adequate to appreciate their unique alternatives, use them to help make behavior, acquire pointers from their store whenever facing difficulties.
You can see this contradictory expectation in female heroines of numerous K-dramas. The stunning women protagonist is separate and savvy at the lady company, in side of a guy she wants, she’s one-step behind, submiive and mild. She should be resistant but needs to be saved whenever hardship occurs.
Isn’t there a contradiction right here? I could concede that separate and depending tendencies might coexist in one, truly press the link right now, but often they don’t get collectively. I was thinking they more a fantasy of men exactly who craved unequal power connections through its girlfriends than possible.
It’s an old battle: battling from the chasm, within expectations of South Korean people (and also women who accept these expectations) in addition to genuine, live selves of southern area Korean people.
As a young lady, we kept thinking about precisely how I should work, and just how a lot of my self I should program boys. It’s weird: In stressed, I sometimes discover myself wanting to manage naesung and aegyo.
Aegyo and naesung are two modes of attitude young women are anticipated to engage in when working with boys. Aegyo is far more explicit; it’s acting in a cute, flirty way, typically with amusing face, shrugging one’s arms and moving one’s mind in a child-like ways, or usually responding to questions in a higher-pitched voice. Naesung conversely is actually performing coy, not-being outright truthful. Assuming a man asked myself the number of bottles of soju I could take in, I would state “half a container” in place of “two containers.” That might be myself “doing naesung” or naesung hada in Korean. (Both words become hardly ever familiar with recommend just how men should respond.)